A Consultants guide on promoting a More Civil, Kinder, Meaningful, Positive and Happier Workplace

Incivility in the workplace is only getting worse. The only client I quit was because of incivility. I left the project in perfect shape.

Here are a few notes from the book – Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace

1. In the Civility in America 2016 survey, almost all respondents—95 percent—believed we have a civility problem.
2. It wasn’t the hours spent at work or other factors like workload, decision authority, or discretion that affected longevity. It was the positive support of coworkers. In fact, the presence of less-kind colleagues was associated with a much higher risk of dying.
3. Studies have shown that the number one characteristic associated with an executive’s failure is an insensitive, abrasive, or bullying style, while number three is aloofness or arrogance.
4. According to a worldwide study conducted by Towers Watson, the greatest driver of engagement was whether workers felt their managers were genuinely interested in their well-being.

Here are a few uncivil instances that I clearly remember with my client “Pat”

Pats early advice on how to control your consultants. “The best way to control your consultant is to reach between his legs and squeeze his testicles nice and hard.” “Once you’re hired by me – remember your ass is mine” I remember kind of laughing off these statements but thinking that this did not bode well.

Pats lecture on how she is the only competent one in the room. “I used to do all your jobs all by myself and you should all consider yourself lucky to have this job.” “You are all incompetent at this point and I am going to explain why and show you how it should be done my way” “ BTW all the Vice presidents love me” I remember her constant jabbing her finger at the 4 of us, her red rage filled face and pure toxic hatred spewing out. I walked out and turned to my colleague and said. “That meeting was completely insane.”

Don’t do it the right way, do it Pats way. “You will need to do the process my way. I don’t care that you are collaborating well with the Supply Chain team, you are screw ups and you will do it my way – without the Supply Chain Team.” I remember the PCO (Project Control Officer) completely freaked out about the additional work load it would create for our team. There was nothing I could do. We had to do it Pats way.

Pats swearing and threatening is for the best. “You are all fucking incompetent and I should not have to fucking explain myself one more time, I am not your mother” I remember thinking that the project was in great shape and wondering why Pat was so hell bent on making our lives a living hell.

I actually remember thinking that at least I wasn’t working at the White House for a Psycho boss that is not only ruining employee’s lives but ruining the world.

Not long after I quit the project. Here is some advice.

1. Treat people with respect and a civil tone.
2. THE GOLDEN RULE -Treat other like you want to be treated yourself.
3. Acknowledge the work of your co-workers and lavish them with credit.
4. Highlight peoples strengths don’t stomp on their weaknesses.
5. Promote meaning and purpose.
6. Sometimes a hand written note works best.
7. Celebrate wins and constantly share information.
8. One moment of incivility can permanently destroy a relationship.

Terry Vermeylen is a Project Manager, Business Optimization , SAP and Supply Chain expert that has advised the US Navy, spoken at conferences, lost his soul a few times, and inspired teams to the point that they want to hug him.